original selection for re-write selection paper 2

Professor Harrington/Huntington good MLA awesome

English 101 O/L

9 May 2008

Community

When you hear the word community, many people would immediately think of the town or part of the city in which they live. The term community can have a different meaning altogether. A community can refer to a segment of people who live together and share a way of life, like a farming commune. Another type of community can be on the INTERNET, like Myspace. In his essay, “You Are Who You Know,” (in MLA the essay is in quotes)Andrew Leonard writes, "Particularly in the developed world, our atomized, alienated, transient lifestyles have resulted in our seeking community from those who share the same interests, or workplace, or some other kind of tribal loyalty." (155) Whether they realize it or not, people identify themselves through others they surround themselves with. These people tend to think alike and support each other through friendship. This is really a statement of fact, not a thesis—remember you are setting up your argument.
The workplace is a popular place to form a community. An example of this is a police department. The officers on the force refer to each other as brothers. They support each other, cover each others' backs, listen to their problems, socialize together, and console and take care of the family members of a fallen officers' family. The police community is a "closed" community. A person cannot just walk in off the street and become part of the community. To get into this community, a person must become an officer, train with a seasoned officer to learn the ways of the community, and then they are a member for live. You’ve defined this community for me and it’s an interesting one—but what about the prompt?
Communities formed on the INTERNET(no need to capitalize it) are a completely different type of thing. There really is no personal face to face interaction. Myspace, for example, is a collection of pictures and stories about millions of different people. The more "friends" you have on Myspace, the more you can brag to others. Leonard referenced INTERNET friends as not really true friends. He says "When so many people are your friends, can those "friendships" be worth much?"(150) A true friend is someone who is there when you need them to provide support, comfort, and companionship. An INTERNET community of friends cannot provide this over a DSL connection. This type of community isn't really stable. People come and go, just with a click. One day you can have a friend, the next day they delete you from their life. Chances are you have never met them in person, or have any personal contact information except a email address. You may never know what happened to the friendship, or what happened to them. These type of friends cannot provide a support system because they may not be there when you need them. Ok, now I see you trying to answer the prompt.
Sadly, in our society, there are many people who feel they cannot fit into society. They feel uncomfortable around real physical people. ??I’m not sure what you mean by this? This is where the good side of an INTERNET community can be seen. On the INTERNET, they can have friends and interact with others in a healthy way. It gives them a chance to be who ever they want to be. It can make a shy person a social butterfly, giving them the courage to speak to others through their screen, perhaps giving them a much happier life. Jennifer Bishop Fulwiler writes about Friendster.com "It's the best website, any, the best service ever to be created in the history of mankind."(156) It's a 24/7 friend, with all that person's friends becoming your friend with just a click. Friendster.com allows members to search out friends that have similar interests and likes and allows you to become friends with them. Ok, good, you’ve provided an anti-thesis.
Communities can be found everywhere. They can be found in every workplace. A neighborhood bar where the "regulars" gather everyday. A police station, fire department, even a hospital. People can belong to several different communities also. In the morning, stopping everyday at Starbuck's and socializing with the people in that community and then at work and being in that community. Going home and getting on line and becoming part of that community. The common thread is all these different communities hold things that interest us. The people who belong to these communities also hold the same interests and likes we do, therefore it is easy for us to feel a sense of belonging and feel that the community is supportive of us. They understand our views and opinions and will usually agree with them. These communities help us to form who we really are.
Hi Jennifer,
What hinders this is the lack of a strong controlling idea. I see your attempt to bring in support from the reading and you picked two interesting essays. What’s missing is more of your own analysis. What does what you say about each essay all add up to? I look for the conclusions you are drawing, the “so what” about what the authors are saying and the “so what” about how you are connecting them. Your essay gets stronger as you go so I also wonder if another draft would have helped. In your next essay really concentrate on following the prompt and getting a good controlling idea of thesis up front. Did you get help in the Writing Studio? You might try that for your next paper. Let me know if you have any questions. –Ann Grade: 78
Latterelll, Catherine G. Remix reading + composing culture Bedford ST Martins 2006